Memoir Writing Reflections #10: I Got a Contract

November 18, 2025November 18, 2025Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Local Establishments, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged art, author, books, creative-writing, editing, Edmonton, Filipina, Filipino, Filipino Canadian, literature, memoir, mental health, publishing, reflection, Writers Guild of Alberta, writing, writing-tips, yegEvents, yegwomenLeave a comment

By: Giselle General

Most of this year has been preoccupied by my second attempt running for city council, where I lost again.

Now that it’s over, I can re-focus again on my other endeavours that have been in the works for several years now. I made a social media post when I signed the dotted line last June, but I can embrace and fully recognize and celebrate it again – I got an author contract!

Earlier this spring I received an offer from NeWest Press, a nonprofit local publisher based here in my hometown of Edmonton. I really love the fact that it is local. I also really love that I am not the first Filipina-Canadian author they worked with. I highly recommend buying or borrowing The Cine Star Salon by Leah Ranada. I figured, if NeWest helped make her book into its final form, then I’ll be in great hands.

I’m equal parts baffled, humbled and excited that I got a contract quickly by comparison, only a year after I have completed the all the professional editing and beta reader services for the manuscript. I’ve heard so many stories of past and present struggles from writers about taking a very long time, as in years, to get a publisher. From feeling frustrated waiting for a long time, many decide to self-publish or make changes to the manuscript over and over to submit again.

It’s such a fascinating and intimidating experience reading the author contract that I searched for lawyers and contract reviewers to help me understand all it entails. There are some straightforward stipulations such as being on time with giving feedback on the manuscript, the advance payment, how many will be produced and what happens when copies are sold. And there are some long-term items should the book gain traction, such as movie rights, international distribution and translation.

Part of what makes this book writing process likely a bit unusual compared to many writers, is that I technically already got compensation. Thanks to the grants I applied for during the writing and editing process, I feel like I already earned some income from my writing efforts. And I will be the first to recognize how fortunate that is. I still remember the e-newsletter from the Edmonton Arts Council emphasizing that roughly 20% of applicants get approved. I bet that percentage is even smaller with the Canada Council for the Arts with the applicants all across the country. Both organizations gave funding for this book. I will never take that for granted.

As a result, I don’t feel pressured to sell a certain number of books to earn back my time and effort to break even or make a profit. Everything else is gravy. But of course, I’d like to have as many book sales as possible. The fact that contracts now have standard clauses for movie rights and international distribution can make anyone dream big!

The most remarkable part of this, is that it truly feels like a full-circle moment. The assigned editor for this final stage is the one who helped me get started in the first place. Wendy McGrath, my author mentor with the Writers Guild of Alberta program called the Horizon Writers Circle back in 2022. The one who said to me with fierce determination when I first talked about the idea of the memoir, “yes, in six month we will finish a first manuscript together!” The one who insisted that I start applying for grants so I can get professional editing services and pay them properly. The one who also edited a separate written work for a local anthology. The one who already have read and edited several chapters of the first draft. Most definitely, the perfect person to help take it to the finish line.

I like my rules and timelines so pretty soon, I will be fully working on the final round of editing for the manuscript before it officially goes on print. I had two additional manuscript review services I used a while back, but I didn’t incorporate their recommendations when I submitted the manuscript to a few publishers. This final review will be the perfect time to read the feedback to see if the delivery of the story can be more effective in some way.

Some major changes that need to be done are changing the names of the characters to protect people’s identity and decisions on how to deal with copyrighted content such as songs and poems. It felt right in my heart to add actual sections and quote them in the chapters when I was first writing. But in its final form, I feel more open to removing it altogether. It can be quite expensive to request for authorization and rights.

I’ve casually talked to people in the city the past few weeks about the book, as a way to deflect the conversation after I receive the standard sympathetic comments for losing at the election again. I met a person from another local bookstore I haven’t heard of, who said their shop is willing to host an event and a local reading session. My massage therapist told me that I should inform them when the book is out as they have a shelf by the reception area to sell locally made products. I’ve already been to a few book launch and author reading events and plan to attend more in the next while.

Even before all the book-related activities, I do have another launch coming up soon, the premiere of the documentary project Building Pinoy. Any lessons about promoting a creative project, dealing with reactions, will definitely be something that I’m sure I can apply for the book.

There’s an actual finish line that I can foresee. A year and a half will fly by quick.

Original Poetry – Mang-A-Archive

July 1, 2025Posted in Edmonton, Family, Local Establishments, Personal, Social IssuesTagged Canada, community, Edmonton, Filipino, Philippine Heritage Month, poem, poems, poet, poetry, writing, yegEvents, yegwomenLeave a comment

Giselle delivering her original poem at the June 28 event by the University of the Philippines Alumni Association - Edmonton

By: Giselle General

On June 28, 2025, I performed for an event in Edmonton by the University of the Philippines Alumni Association, to wrap up Philippine Heritage Month is a meaningful way. Panels, social and political discussions and artistic performances offered a rich program of insights and connection.

The inspiration for the poem is my experiences over the past five years, where I had the opportunity and honour to produce historical articles about Filipinos in Edmonton and how they made an impact, through an initiative called Edmonton City As Museum Project. This poem is a glimpse in my mind of my experiences researching, writing and submitting these articles, one in 2020 and one just this year.

Around the corner, Of a quiet neighbourhood street, Quaint shops form a line, One with a banner name, A play on words of a national brand, Selling more than function, But familiarity in seemingly simply products.

An eager phone call from a Tito, “Oh this person, call them ha?!”, So you give them a chance, a means,To relive, envision, memories of distant past, A vignette in the mind, The foundation of their endeavours, When the city was half its size.

A smile as bright, As that pristine chef’s uniform, Fill the TV screen. Curious eyes and steady microphones made the simmering pot shine. If only the aroma can reach their homes! But then, it soon did. The steamy metal box on wheels, Arms reaching out the window, Handing take out containers, Filling bellies, minds and hearts, In a park, or a street, of this festival city.

A dim hallway, The light sparking to show facts and figures, maps and artifacts, The large sign saying “Alberta Transforms.” In a case of glass, a row of graying photos, Cotton fabric both warm and sterile, Metal implements that cut, measure or heal the body, All for everyone to see, What a kababayan has done since half a century.

Meron palang ganyan! Faded photos, showing constellations, Wistful voices of relief and recollection. ith my phone, my pen, my ear, and my eyes, Filling with knowledge and facts, The arroz caldo filling my belly.

Ang dami pala nilang ginawa! Titles, accolades, fragments almost forgotten. Woven together, not with finesse, Simply an eagerness to retell.

Sana nakwento ko ng maganda! In a city with no museum of its own, In digital homes and public memory, Archived in modern ways, Bearing witness to threads of lasting legacy.

We are this, but more than just that. And I hope that’s what everyone gets to see. We are what we remember, What we record. Out story is alive, Evolving, And never ending.

Recovering Political Candidate: Steep Cost and Sacrifices

May 9, 2025May 30, 2025Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Personal, Politics, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged Edmonton, elections, government, leadership, news, politicians, Politics, privilege, reflection, Self-Care, Women in Politics, yegwomenLeave a comment

Giselle assembling lawn signs for the 2021 election campaign.

By: Giselle General

I suppose it’s kind of strange that I’m continuing the name of these series as “Recovering Political Candidate” given that I am running again. There’s already two posts I made as part of this series:

Then again, it feels like while I’m embarking on one, I’m still recovering from the previous one, unpacking all the things I’ve experienced and observed. Time gives perspective as they say, and going through the same experience again, I suppose this time for me, with four years of maturity, sheds things in a different light.

When people think about running for office, they often imagine debates, door-knocking, and campaign signs. But what most don’t see—and what few openly talk about—are the financial, professional, and emotional costs of stepping into the political arena. For those of us who come from working-class, immigrant, or marginalized communities, these costs aren’t just inconvenient. They’re systemic barriers.

As someone who immigrated to Canada as a child and became the first in my family to graduate from a Canadian university, I’ve experienced the unspoken challenges of trying to “break in” to political spaces while navigating real-life survival. I didn’t grow up around people who ran for office. My relatives didn’t work white-collar jobs or attend Chamber of Commerce lunches. Like many others, I was figuring it out as I went—sometimes fumbling, sometimes scraping by, always learning.

When I ran for City Council in 2021, I had to keep working full-time in the spring and summer with two months off full-time campaigning.

A time-tracking table. Each half-hour for every day of the week is represented by one cell on the table. Times are color-coded as follows: Sleep, Personal Care, Meals, Chores, Commute to Work. Work. Family/ Friends social time. About 30 hours is not color-coded, representing the maximum hours that can be spent theoretically, on the election campaign. — I wondered what the true difference between a candidate who is campaigning full time compared to someone who is doing it after work. And it’s all the green blocks here, about extra **30 – 40 hours** every week. That’s why I can’t help but wonder, even I’m technically adding more, would three months of full-time campaigning be enough?

I banked my vacation days and carefully budgeted unpaid leave. Not because I had the luxury to, but because I couldn’t afford to stop earning income. I later learned that many candidates take months off entirely, living off savings or family support. I didn’t have that option then.

In this second run, I’ve come to see just how many “norms” in local politics are built around people with financial privilege, professional networks, or flexible lifestyles. Here are just a few examples of the hidden costs:

Visibility Comes with a Price Tag

Being “present” at the right events such as fundraisers, business luncheons, galas, is often seen as a sign of seriousness. But tickets can cost $50 to $200 or more. Even free events often expect donations. Most happen during the workday, which means using time off or risking your job. And for women, racialized folks, and those with specific appearance pressures, just showing up polished and prepared costs time and money.

Running While Working Can Break You

There’s a quiet expectation that serious candidates go on leave to campaign full-time. But unpaid leave means lost income, and not everyone can afford that. Some of us push through by working during the day and campaigning at night, leading to exhaustion, burnout, or even injury. This is a real and unsustainable cost.

In 2021, my husband and I decided that I will never compromise on my sleep (so no all-nighters) that he will not be deeply involved in the campaign so we have a semblance of a healthy home life, and that the financial cost of taking a bit more time off work is worth it. We are hoping it will help prevent permanent injuries or trauma.

Starting Up A Campaign Isn’t Free

Even a modest campaign needs branding, a website, photos, flyers, signs. Unless you’re fundraising from day one or have wealthy donors ready to go, those expenses fall on you. There’s also pressure to appear “professional” which means a slick logo, high-quality materials, a polished online presence. That’s because anything less may be judged as unprepared or unserious.

While I’m re-using many supplies form 2021, I know if I don’t freshen up my style, it will be outdated and out of touch. There are many more cool apps and tools that help make things more efficient, and many are subscription based that can stack up if not kept in check.

Who You Know Matters – Much More Than Anticipated

I’ve spent years volunteering, organizing, and serving on boards, but I’ve also learned that social capital doesn’t always translate into campaign capital. Recognition and legitimacy are often reserved for those already plugged into elite circles or political dynasties. Meanwhile, working-class and immigrant leaders are often asked to “prove” themselves for years—often invisibly—before being seen as viable.

As a simple example, through my community service I knew of about 5 executive directors or CEO-level people from nonprofits. If many of them decline to publicly endorse me because of repercussions at their job, the list runs out pretty quickly. While someone with deeper networks and connections, whether it is because they had parents who are still alive and able, or who were also are politically connected, had a profession that already has a certain prestige assigned to it, or had lived in the area for much longer, the odds are definitely in their favour.

Where Campaign Schools Fit In

One thing that has been incredibly valuable to me has been participating in campaign schools—local and national programs designed to help women learn the basics of running for office. I’ve attended several, and I always leave feeling inspired and energized. They offer toolkits, checklists, and often a sense of solidarity that’s hard to find elsewhere. Being in a room full of women determined to lead and make a difference is powerful.

But for those just starting out, what’s offered in these programs is maybe 5% of what’s truly needed to launch a viable, well-resourced campaign. Turning that initial spark into a full campaign with traction, momentum, and infrastructure is a whole other challenge—especially if you don’t already have access to wealth, political connections, or campaign professionals.

That’s why these programs must not just continue—they need to grow. Campaign schools and women-in-politics initiatives should be more robust, more practical, and more deeply connected to the realities that many of us face: holding down full-time jobs, navigating care responsibilities, or entering spaces where people don’t expect someone like you to lead. We need to move from inspiration to implementation, and that takes sustained, tangible support.

What now?

This isn’t just my story. It’s a structural pattern. Politics in Canada, even at the local level, often functions as a gated space. Those gates aren’t always locked, but they are weighed down by money, time, and access. And the reality is, people from communities like mine often pay the price just to stand in the same room.

But here’s what I’ve learned: knowing these barriers doesn’t make me cynical—it makes me even more committed to change. Because if we want a city that’s truly inclusive, we need a political system that supports everyday people stepping into leadership.

That means:

Talking openly about the financial and emotional costs of candidacy.
Supporting candidates not just with votes, but with practical help—rides, printing, graphic design, donations, and more.
Reimagining what political legitimacy looks like, so it’s not based on your job title, who you golf with, or shared tables at a fancy gala, but your service to your community.

I’m still learning, healing, and unlearning as I go—just like many others. The journey of immigration, trauma, and over-responsibility doesn’t disappear when you run for office. But neither does the strength and wisdom that comes from living through it.

So if you’re thinking of running someday, or if you’re supporting someone who is: know that it’s okay to ask for help. To name the barriers. To build slowly and strategically, even if you don’t have all the traditional tools.

The more of us who show up authentically, the more we change what “leadership” looks like in this city.

I’m still willing to spill the tea!

And I’ve offered this before and I will emphasize it again. If you are interested in running for politics and wanted to know how it really looks like for someone who was described as marginalized, underdog, non-conventional candidate, who is an everyday worker and attempted to do this in 2021, I’m willing to tell it all. While scheduling might be trickier because I have to hustle even more to make up for what I’m lacking, I’m willing to share the numbers, the details of the years of planning, the financial and family decisions, the spreadsheets and timelines I aimed for, I reached and I missed. Talk to me, and I will share the real deal of my experiences. Not to scare people off, but to be more equipped.

Book Review and Thank You Letter: Frostbike by Tom Babin

April 19, 2025November 18, 2025Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Local Establishments, Personal, Politics, Reviews, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged #yegWinter, bike, biking, book review, community, cycling, Edmonton, reflection, snow, transportation infrastructure, Travel, winter, Winter City Edmonton, winterbike, women, yegwinter, yegwomenLeave a comment

Giselle holding the book Frostbike. Her husband's bike is behind her.

By: Giselle General

A few weekends ago, I visited someone near my home to talk about different neighbourhood things and the upcoming election. That late morning visit was lovely and veered into a conversation about winter cycling, something my husband just started to do in 2024 when the snow hit. As a result, she enthusiastically offered to lend this book that I immensely enjoyed. So to this neighbour, who also gave me a sample pack of roibos tea from a local tea shop, this is a Thank You letter and review of the book Frostbike, the Joy, Pain and Numbness of Winter Cycling, by Tom Babin.

April 19, 2025

Hi neighbour,

That winter morning was frosty, but my hands felt better right away from how you welcomed me to your home, with a cup of tea. The great conversations about my post the day before about someone wanting to organize an English-learning initiative for newcomers in the neighbourhood was even lovelier. As we chatted about different matters, the inevitable half-complaints about winter came up. Then I shared that my husband tried biking to work once a week since the summer, with this season being his first time winter biking.

I was so delighted that you were delighted to hear about this, and shared all your experiences biking from your neighbourhood all the way to the core of downtown. I appreciated your observations on your experiences as a cyclist and how the service roads, sidewalks, shared-use paths and the dedicated bike lanes affect your ride. That you were looking forward to the warmer weather since you are quite faster on the bike then driving at times. So, when you enthusiastically offered to lend me the book Frostbike for my husband to read, I happily took in home.

The thing is, my husband is a digital book reader these days. He’s quite happy with the app from our local library and been reading books regularly. So I ended up being the one who read the book. The fact that the author in Canadian, and Albertan at that, was a particular draw to me. This is not someone who lives overseas – this is someone with relatable and relevant experience, who lives only a 4-hour drive away.

I liked the way the table of contents was outlined, and how the information and stories started growing in scope. Starting from his personal journey of biking, building and acquiring bikes to help him get cycling in winter. Then the second part is about his assessments of locations, both local and abroad and their winter cycling infrastructure. Then the final part went even broader, the collective thoughts, sentiments and culture not just about cycling, but about winter in general.

Perhaps because I haven’t had a lot of exposure to writing based in Calgary – whether it is fiction, non-fiction, or journalistic, the book gave me the very first deep explanation of the chinooks. It went in detail how that weather phenomenon affects people who live there – from huge migraines from temperature and air pressure changes, to the drastic change from ice and snowbanks to deep watery cold puddles on roads and sidewalks in just a matter of hours. I mean, I’m not a fan of being splashed by cars when I’m on the sidewalk, I can only imagine it being worse down there.

The author’s experiences with biking in the winter reflected what my husband shared to me these past few months. That compact snow is ideal. Ice is more manageable that some would assume. Studded tires make a huge difference. Soft snow and slush is the worst, even more when they are combined with bits of mud, sand and gravel. Putting salt can be described as “the devil you know”, very useful for traction, but damaging in many other ways. Biking at -20 or -30 weather is more doable than anticipated. That car drivers being impatient and hostile is one of the worst things about cycling. And yes, the way infrastructure is laid out plays a very big role in how pleasant or save the bike ride could be. I’m so grateful though that my husband got actual studded tires right away. I definitely would not let him get away with the author’s first attempt at using flat screws on a conventional bike wheel. I do a lot of DIY stuff, but that’s too far. As I always say to my husband – safety first!

Two people biking on a bike path in winter. Everything, except for the actual bike path, is covered in snow.

The section that talked about the different cities in Europe that have enviable cycling infrastructure was fascinating to read. I empathize with the author’s struggle with not finding the perfect ‘silver bullet’ solution that can be easily copied over to North America, especially in cities that are much bigger compared to the smaller Scandinavian cities. A common pattern is those European cities is the practical normalization of biking all year long, which makes the seasonal switch to winter biking more manageable. The cities described made me realize the truth of the advocacy statement I’ve heard so many times here in Edmonton: build it and they will come.

As someone who doesn’t cycle, the chapters of the last section resonated with me the most. The author started to probe deeply on how pop culture and casual interpersonal interactions over the decades talk about winter so negatively. This I completely agree, and I find a bit frustrating. The pity that people cast towards me when I said “I walked less than half an hour to get here” is so intense. Music, media, TV, movies and songs definitely portray winter as harsh, relentless and something to escape from.

He argues that our negative impressions of winter are holding people back from something positive (or even practical) like winter cycling. I’d say that it is also holding people back from doing even just short walks in the winter! As an immigrant, I have had enough stories and warnings about how awful winter is, so this definitely tracks.

Edmonton had an initiative now for a few years called Winter City Edmonton, to encourage people to seek out interesting and exciting activities to do during winter, such as the winter festivals. And this year, the encouragement also had a different direction, to get people to do more of the typical fun activities but with a winter twist, such as going to a restaurant with a winter patio. I think that the next step should be encouraging doing everyday transportation while being prepared for winter, not wanting to escape it as quickly as possible. With heated cars (that even have heated seats and heated steering wheels), well-insulated buildings, and high-tech cozy winter wear might have contributed to people rejecting the notion of winter altogether, rather than having a practical mindset of it being a regular part of the day. This is what is needed to encourage people to have infrastructure to make walking and cycling manageable all year long. To quote the book when talking about cycling in those European countries “I found a similar practicality: winter didn’t seem to be the enemy, it just was.“

I really enjoyed this opportunity to learn from a long-time winter cycling enthusiast what my husband went through, and what the passionate folks in the city are talking about. I know in a few years I would consider getting a bike again, but for now, I feel more informed in understanding where people are coming from, as far as the other transportation methods that don’t involve the car.

So thank you! I hope your biking this year, now that the snow is gone and I think we are past the second “false spring” is going well so far. Maybe my husband will see you on the trails or roads, and perhaps I also will in the future. I bet that if the Coffee Fridays YegBike community has a book club section, they would talk about this book. It’s safe to say, they probably already had.

Who To Call for Help? You Don’t Know?! – Captive Transit User Series Part 17

April 5, 2025April 8, 2025Posted in Edmonton, Local Establishments, Politics, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged captive transit user, community, Edmonton, Edmonton Transit Riders, Edmonton Transit System, immigrant, LRT, LRT North, LRT Southeast, LRT West, Political advocacy, public transit, public-transportation, transit, transit safety, transportation, Travel, yegwomenLeave a comment

The inside of the regular sized Edmonton transit bus. The front area near the driver's compartment has no information or printed signage about the Transit Watch contact line.

By: Giselle General

This is part of an ongoing series of posts discussion issues I personally encounter while taking public transit in Edmonton. Links to other posts will be added on an ongoing basis:

What is a Captive Transit User? I learned about the term for the first time from the City of Edmonton’s website. The easy definition is: someone who takes public transit because it’s the best (or only available) option for them to travel around. The part about feeling ‘captive’ comes from the restriction that sometimes comes up, perhaps because one is too poor to own and maintain a vehicle, one does not know how to drive, or for medical reasons, cannot operate a vehicle. In many ways, I relate to this a lot. Though I’m pretty fortunate to afford the occasional taxi ride, and with my husband having a car.

In my first few years in Canada, I had to learn how to keep track of all the different phone numbers, watch lines and apps for reporting different issues. In fact, because I knew that this can be confusing for other people, I’ve written a resource articles on this subject a few times for multicultural media outlets in the city. It can be hard to tell right away what constitutes an emergency. When someone is in the middle of an unsafe situation, regardless of whether someone’s bleeding or not, everything seems urgent.

Frankly this is why I have major concerns that the information to ask for help when taking transit can be hand to find. If my personal feedback can be summarized in one word, that would be consistency.

Consistency on where the information can be found, both on the buses and LRT vehicles, would be handy. When I used to take the LRT more frequently, I eventually trained my eyes on where the emergency buttons and alarm strings to ask for help are located. I’m too short to reach the alarm strings – but that’s a different subject altogether. Also, on a 25- minute trip which is typical for my travels, there had been the rare occasion when the same automated robot voice that announce the next LRT stop would also talk about Transit Watch, the phone number where people can call or text if they feel unsafe.

But unfortunately, for those who take the buses, this information is definitely hard to find. On top of the fact that Transit Watch is actual full 10-digit phone number instead of the 3-digit ones like 911 or 311, so it’s not something that people will instinctively remember and dial. I mean, even I don’t know the full number in my mind, but I had saved it as a contact on my phone. In my experience, upon entering a bus, 75% of the time I don’t see any posters about Transit Watch at all. When it does, the posters are in different parts of the overhead compartment for the posters.

In my typical 30- 45 minute bus trip, I don’t hear a single robot-voice announcement about Transit Watch as well. Back in 2023, Edmonton Transit Service had a marketing campaign encouraging people to take one of six potential actions when they see harassment while taking public transit. These posters were in many of the buses but not as much these days. Although I was relived to see it a dozen times so far this year.

Inside an Edmonton transit bus, with a poster about Transit Watch 780-442-4900.

In transit stations, not all of them have a PA system to blast audio announcements. In the places that do, one of which is the South Campus LRT station, I have heard a few robot-voice announcements for different topics, including bus delays, scheduling changes, and even encouraging participation on Stuff A Bus. I have heard a handful of times about Transit Watch. But how about other locations? Sure, it is a temporary station, but I think it’s important to have more visible signs and reminders at West Edmonton Mall transit station for example. It truly would be nice to have a consistent approach in every transit station.

I have taken bus trips with the smaller community buses as well, and I don’t recall seeing a poster about Transit Watch. It’s been a few months since I have taken an On-Demand buses which are much smaller, and I know there’s no space there for paid advertisement or even a small bulletin board. Perhaps a decal or sticker somewhere prominent can be strategically placed somewhere. Or maybe even a QR code that’s quite popular these days.

The inside of the smaller-sized Edmonton Transit bus, the shuttle bus along Jasper Place Transit Centre. There is no poster for the Transit Watch number because there's no good space to put one.

Consistency builds trust. I think if there’s more consistency in communicating that 1 – harassment is not okay , 2 – reporting unsafe situations when taking transit is truly worth the effort, 3 – the contact number is repeated often enough while people are taking transit that they might eventually memorize it, and 4 – that the person who reported can see the resolution, perhaps people could be more understanding about unpleasant situations about taking transit. I agree with what the City officials had said that majority of public transit trips happen successfully, on time and no issues. But for the times when it does, people need to trust the system for reporting and the response to it. This starts with knowing when and how to report.

Support Canadian With Your Patronage and Pocketbook: Repost from Alberta Filipino Journal

March 7, 2025Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Local Establishments, Philippine Culture, Politics, Social IssuesTagged Alberta, Buy Canadian, Canada, Canadian, Canadian Media, community, Consumer Choice, consumerism, Edmonton, news, Politics, reflection, Tarriffs, TravelLeave a comment

Giselle holding a computer table showing the page "Made in Canada: by Canadians, for Canadians"

By: Giselle General

I am a columnist for two newspapers in Alberta that serve the Filipino community. I feel particularly proud of this one because of the timely topic and integrating ideas beyond making shopping decisions. This was published in February 2025. You can get a free copy of the paper, published monthly, from many Filipino-owned businesses in Edmonton. You can also view everything digitally at www.albertafilipinojournal.com/.

Community Resource Article – Support Canadian with your Patronage and Pocketbook

Many of us have heard about impending tariffs by the United States. Because of this, there’s a boost to ‘Buy Canadian’ more than ever. You might be wondering how you can take part, especially if you have a tighter budget, or have gotten use to the popular options.

Supporting Canadian businesses comes in many forms. It can be as hyper-local as using products and services made in our city, prioritizing art or events made by fellow Canadians anywhere in the country or not spending money at all. Below is a list of ideas you can consider, to have more Canadian in your everyday activities and purchases.

Media and Entertainment

CBC Gem: You can create a free login on your computer or Smart TV and watch news, shows and movies produced in Canada through our public broadcaster.
TELUS STORYHIVE: This special program funds content made by locals in Alberta and BC, such as short-form documentaries on community topics, podcasts and vod-casts, mini-series, and more. My documentary about Filipinos in Edmonton is funded through this and there’s lots of great shows to watch. It’s on Telus Optic TV and YouTube.
Accessible Media Inc. Canada: It is a dedicated channel created about, and by, Canadians with disabilities. There’s so much inspirational and well-produced content to watch. You can create a free login on your computer or Smart TV or watch on YouTube.
CKUA Radio Station: This radio station, with a webpage and app, is based in Alberta and showcases music from all over the world, a great way to break way from Hollywood-produced music.
Filipino-Canadian content: There are many kababayans countrywide that produce content and it’s time to them to our lists. Whether it is the What’s the Tsismis podcast, the many vloggers on YouTube, documentaries Paglalayag, Canadian Adobo and Kalinga, or books such as Magdaragat, Reuniting with Strangers, Tony’s Wheels, and more.

Consumer Goods

Made in Canada directories: Webpages can identify products made in Canada, which can help with your shopping. Some of these are: madeinca.ca as well as madeincanadadirectory.ca.
Bulk Barn: This is a great store where you buy items by weight, such as flour, rice, spices, pasta, candies, and more. If can save more money than buying in small packages, and it’s Canadian.
Farmers Markets and Pop-Up Markets: There are indoor farmers markets and pop-up markets hosting local businesses. They even give a chance for ones that have closed to come back in a different way. For example, Intent Coffee, a café by Filipinos in Edmonton, has returned as a pop-up café.
Cultural Stores: If you continue to support these stores, whether the products made by a kababayan locally, imported from the Philippines, an Indigenous creator, or a multicultural market by fellow immigrants in Canada, that certainly counts as a way to support.
“Buy Nothing” Neighourbood Groups: Instead of buying an item right away, perhaps a neighbour is giving it away for free. Connect with your neighbourhood’s Buy Nothing Facebook page and see if you can get the item you need. It’s a great way to save money, help the environment, and connect with neighbours.
Business Districts in the city: Whether it is Whyte Ave, Stony Plain Road, Downtown, or the ones by your neighbourhood block, visiting and patronizing independent businesses there is a very valuable way to support Canadian locally.

Attractions, Events and Activities

Tourism Webpages for Cities and Towns: Our province has Travel Alberta, a great resource to discover places to visit in our beautiful province, or even how to have a successful business in the Canadian tourism sector. Many local areas have similar resources to help you spend your tourism dollars here, such as Visit Jasper, Explore Edmonton, Tourism Calgary, Visit Drumheller, and more.
Getting at the Neighbourhood Level: At times, there’s no need to travel far and use companies to have fun and have meaningful experiences. I highly recommend checking the events in your local neighbourhood such as your neighbourhood community league, the nearby seniors centre, and schools.
Exploring Local Recreation Destinations: Consider trying a festival in the city you haven’t considered before. If you haven’t visited the local zoo, museum, library with unique architecture and free drop-in programs, or the local skating rink, here is your chance to prioritize them.

It is very important to think long-term, sustainable, and manageable. If you are unable to do all of these or might need to change, that’s completely okay and valid. If you learn about other options outside this list that works better for you, do them. I heard the saying “vote with your wallet” and I believe it also works with international trade. Let’s support Canadian with our choices and wallet even more moving forward!

The Transit Advocacy Group Is Here! The Captive Transit User Series Part 16

January 30, 2025February 23, 2025Posted in Local Establishments, Politics, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged captive transit user, community, Edmonton, Edmonton Transit Riders, Edmonton Transit System, immigrant, LRT, LRT North, LRT Southeast, LRT West, Political advocacy, public transit, public-transportation, transit, transportation, Travel, yegwomen1 Comment

By: Giselle General

This is part of an ongoing series of posts discussion issues I personally encounter while taking public transit in Edmonton. Links to other posts will be added on an ongoing basis:

The name Edmonton Transit Riders (ETR) sounded very much like the city group where I volunteered for six years, the Edmonton Transit Service Advisory Board (ETSAB). But they are different and once I heard about ETR, I’m very happy that they exist.

Over many years I have observed different ways that people use their voice to advocate for improvements in our public transit system. There are people like me that use our personal social media platform sharing our own individual experiences and opinions. There are people who create anonymized accounts with a group name to build an impression it is part of a collective of thoughts who care about a common goal. There are people who join established organizations or groups to share their time, energy and insights in a formalized way within the city government’s system – I’m talking about ETSAB here. And there’s ETR, the external organization who wanted to combine the power of being a formalized group willing to mobilize in a wide range of ways to make public transit better.

A selfie of Giselle and Danielle Witte, board chair of ETR, in front of the under-construction Meadowlark LRT Station.

Sometime in the fall, Danielle Witte, the board Chair of ETR contacted me for a meeting to learn more about what I mentioned above, how current groups have been giving feedback to improve public transit. I offered a unique kind of meeting – a walking meeting where we discussed his questions and I gave him a tour of the West Edmonton LRT construction sites from future West Edmonton Mall to the future Meadowlark Station. I told him how excited I was for the group, and that ETR, ETSAB and the actual public transit city employees for ETS have a lot of positive opportunities to work with each other.

On October 20, the group hosted a official launch party which included an announcement with speeches, and then a private tour of the Blatchford LRT station that is not yet open to the public where the attendees can connect and chat with each other. It was nice to see the current board chair of ETSAB, actual representatives from ETS, city politicians, and other people enthusiastic about transit.

Giselle taking a selfie in front of the Edmonton LRT Blatchford station, during a private tour as part of the Edmonton Transit Riders launch.

Interestingly enough, I remembered a discussion about the Blatchford station during an ETSAB meeting, and see the station still not being used was a reminder that our recommendations to city staff sometimes get implemented. It does make an impact.

In some ways, the word hype feels superficial, but with what ETR is doing, I think building hype about public transit is not only just a good thing, it is an excellent thing that is very much needed. There’s a lingering disdain from everyday people about public transit, combined with an undercurrent of classism and car culture. I’ve said countless times, people complain about hiccups on public transit too quickly and harshly but if those experiences are tied to their driving experience, people are more forgiving.

When I was chatting with the ETR volunteers and board of directors, I was amazed that they were planning to go to Ottawa for a conference about transit. There’s a lot of flexibility they have that made me wish I had something similar when I was with ETSAB. Then again, ETSAB is a part of the city and funded by taxpayer money, so I understand the limitations that where in place. It is nice though that ETSAB board members get a chance to attend the Canadian Urban Transit Association fall conference every year.

Front view of the Blatchford LRT station. Crowds of people are by the platforms observing the space.

One thing I really appreciate is that both organizations seem to have a relationship with the staff of the city’s transit system. Everyone seem to have a well-known common ground of sharing the desire to actually make public transit better.

In future years I eagerly look forward to seeing more of what ETR does. I subscribed to their e-newsletter and social media accounts and they are a lot more public with their advocacy which is fantastic. They had several media interviews, organized an automated e-petition to speak about the low-income transit programs, and had plans to advocate to the provincial and federal orders of government. It’s quite remarkable. Once the actual transit department launches their merchandise line I bet that the ETR supporters would be the first in line to buy or market these items ala influencer style – yes that includes me.

Looking back at the LRT launch for the Valley Line East last November 2023, it is nice to join along a group of fellow transit nerds. If I am lucky enough to be the next city councillor of my area of the city on the west end, I’ll be thrilled to organize the official launch or tour of the LRT along with them! The warm drinks, train-themed cake and ceremonial scissors would be on me – unless someone beats me to it which is very possible!

Memoir Writing Reflections #9: The Paid Services are Done!

December 29, 2024December 29, 2024Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Personal, Reviews, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged art, author, books, creative-writing, editing, Edmonton, Filipino, literature, memoir, mental health, publishing, reflection, Writers Guild of Alberta, writing, writing-tips, yegEvents, yegwomenLeave a comment

By: Giselle General

During the Writers Guild of Alberta 2024 conference where I spoke in a panel about memoir writing, I mentioned that a big driving force in my decisions is fairness in compensation. The moderator of the panel seemed to appreciate how much I emphasized paying people properly for their efforts. In an area where people are typically underpaid, if they are paid at all, I vehemently refuse to add to the exploitation of artists.

That was why I really appreciated the advice from my writing mentor Wendy, that I can – and should – apply for grants. It didn’t even occur to me that I can get money to cover expenses I needed, let alone have money to pay myself for the efforts beyond writing the book.

Based on my online search, I concluded that I needed a developmental editor, a line editor, and a copy editor. What they do are related to each other, but are also distinct. This resource (written for a Canadian audience from a Canadian webpage) can help provide clarity on the differences of each. I contacted several editors using both the directory I found online and also contacting a facilitator of a writing workshop that I enjoyed. After getting quotes and plugging in the numbers on the grant applications, I clicked submit. I had earlier success with a smaller grant, but these ones are different, with a complete budget breakdown for each expense. I agonized on how much to add in the subsistence category until I decided to allocate a partial subsistence since I won’t be doing this book project full time. I hoped that my explanation that I contacted three sources for a quote for each editor service was both believable and accurate. I told myself to wait patiently, doing as many self-edits as I can until the professionals take over – if I can can hire them, that is.

A woman browsing their laptop, with books and a coffee on their desk.

To my surprise, my grant applications got approved. The money I asked for is also a pretty decent size, about tens of thousands of dollars. I would have been content to be approved the money I needed to pay myself a partial subsistence (some kind of living allowance for doing this work). But I got exactly what I requested, to the penny. Right after the agreements were signed and the money got deposited, I contacted the first editor right away, worried that after three months that they have other projects and won’t have time to mine anymore.

Thankfully the developmental editor was available, a fellow Filipina-Canadian who is deeply involved in social justice, arts, and literary community in Ontario through an initiative called Living Hyphen, supporting the creative expression of hyphenated Canadians like her and me. When she gave her quote earlier she even offered to give a discounted rate in case finances are an issue, but I placed the full amount in the grant application and now that I got it, I’m ready to pay that full amount. We had to sort out timezone differences for the video calls and sent several emails back and forth to ensure the contract details worked for both of us. We agreed for her to have three months to do the review since she needed to read the whole manuscript to give the big-picture and structural advice that the developmental editor is supposed to do, while tolerating my countless grammatical mistakes.

When I received her very detailed report on what to consider before the next round of edits, I asked her a very vulnerable question: “You know how in our culture, we are supposed to obey the elders and authorities without question? I feel unsure about your report. Am I supposed to obey and follow them all? Am I supposed to do them and send back to you for approval?” I’ll always treasure her kind response to this. “Whatever you decide is up to you. You have the final choice to accept, reject any or all of the recommendations. It’s your story.” Definitely worth every dollar I was able to pay – thank you funding grants!

After a few more discussions where I realized she didn’t understand something major in the story, I knew I had a lot of work to do. While doing all these edits, I contacted the line editor next – the one who would take up the challenging tasks of editing the grammar, line by line. This person is not a Filipino – which I did on purpose because it is important for a native-English-speaker to understand the story and to flag Filipino references that are unclear to her. With how the scheduled ended up falling in place, she had to edit from mid-December until early January. I felt a bit guilty and emphasized that there’s no need to work through this over Christmas break. But she seemed okay with doing it. After all the hundreds of verbal tense edits she did on the almost 90,000-word manuscript, I gleefully e-transferred the payments.

A month after the line edits were completed, I contacted the person I chose as a copy editor, a fellow Filipino-Canadian in the local literary community in early 2024. This is my third professional editor so I kind of know the motions: preliminary meeting and discussion, contracts, payment details, sending a copy of the manuscript, and then waiting patiently. Through him, I saw the clear signs of a professional who cares about outcomes and not just getting paid. He booked a meeting with me to flag his concerns, believing that my manuscript is not ready for copy-editing just yet since there are certain parts of the story that he had trouble understanding. I told him my short-term goals which is to have a manuscript and templates of documents to contact agents and publishers.

So we had to change our scope to help achieve that – to do some line editing and copy editing of the sample chapters I will send, to do another set of line editing on the chapters with sensitive content, and to help me draft the content I will send for applications to get the book published. Think of it as a resume-writing service, but the applicant is me as a writer and the story of the memoir. All these cost a bit more, but with the grant funding I got, I was able to make some adjustments.

Once his edits were completed, the literary conference took place. The organizers did a fantastic job with the panel, as the first panelist had at least two memoirs published and bunch of other books, the second panelist had one memoir published, and there’s me who just finished the professional edits of the manuscript. Maybe I’ll reach the same achievement as the other two, but for the audience it was helpful to listen to writers at different stages.

Given the extra funding I got, the first consultant-based reading service I used was the Manuscript Reading Service of my province’s writing guild here Alberta. As I paid the fees and waited for the manuscript to be reviewed, I took my mind off anxiously waiting by doing other visual artistic projects, mostly upcycling. I particularly liked the pay structure, how reviewer gets most of the payment. The review I received was insightful.

After I went through another round of self-edits, it’s time to do the other professional service I never thought I’ll have the funds for – beta readers. Their role is to read the the manuscript and assess it as a “regular reader”. I did this for a Canadian author a few months ago and it was a pretty cool experience. I admit, I had an “imposter syndrome” moment and wondered if my time and effort reviewing the document, and my insights condensed in a four-page report, were worth the fees given to me. It was a process to re-frame my mindset. Consultants of all sorts are paid for a reason, so I deserved that fee as well.

For my manuscript I ended up having three beta readers, a writer based in the US, then two people from my city, a non-Filipino person I know through my other community service work, and a Filipino person with a education in writing. I sent them the same set of questions about their experienced reading the book and their responses were quite different than I realized. It’s exactly the feedback I needed because my story has very Philippines-based context, that would be published in a country outside of my motherland (if I get lucky), with a diverse audience. Until now, I actually have a lot of decisions to make on whether their opinions will sway me enough to edit certain book chapters. Or perhaps I should wait until an agent or publisher reads the sample chapters and we can work through the rest of the edits together.

I joked a few times that dealing with grants is the worse combination of applying for jobs and doing your taxes, including the need to report what you did with the money at the end of the time period. For the first art funder I submitted my report and it was accepted, which meant that my recordkeeping was organized and they clearly understood where and how I spent their funding for this project. As this year comes to a close, I am preparing my final report to the second funder as well.

It’s still so humbling to think about the financial access I was able to tap into, and because of that, I was able to pay all these professional writing services the amount they asked for. No haggling, not undercutting. This whole experience for the past year and half drives my motivation even more to get this story to the finish line, to its final published form.

Back view of Giselle in her office desk using her computer.

Being the Human Transit Navigator: The Captive Transit User Series Part 15

October 25, 2024Posted in Edmonton, Local Establishments, Politics, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged captive transit user, community, Edmonton, Edmonton Transit System, immigrant, kindness, LRT, LRT Southeast, public transit, public-transportation, transit, transportation, Travel, yegwomen2 Comments

By: Giselle General

This is part of an ongoing series of posts discussion issues I personally encounter while taking public transit in Edmonton. Links to other posts will be added on an ongoing basis:

People unfamiliar with a transit system, whether it is because they are new to an city, a neighbourhood, or just so happened to not use transit for a specific event, benefit from the help of a fellow human who seemed to know their way around. A few times this summer, it was nice to be that fellow human, even as a stranger, to be that source of help and companionship to someone. Here’s a few stories when I by myself, or with my husband, did this to people in the city.

Edmonton Folk Festival

This summer was the first time that my husband and I went to Edmonton Folk Festival. Because we had little time between having dinner at the bar near his work by the Manchester Square, we took an rideshare to the festival location. But we decided to take the relatively-recently-opened Valley Line LRT to her back.

While walking through the green space to get to the station, someone called out to us. They seemed confused and asked where the LRT station is. My husband and I pointed to the direction that we are headed. In the spot where we were standing, it seemed easy to miss the LRT station, as the glass pyramids of the Muttart Conservatory is right close by. The people seemed relived to know that the LRT station was indeed close by, which is a great reason why the festival organizers heavily promoted transit as a way to get to and from the festival.

This is the first year that the festival is going on with the LRT access. I bet that in future years, it would be a no-brainer for most people to get to the festival through transit, either to get to the bottom or top of the hill.

New worker going to downtown

On a Thursday morning in August, I was waiting to get on my usual bus to get to downtown. A man was talking passionately over the phone, in a language I cannot understand. He hung up, browsed his phone for a few minutes and then he approached me, speaking in limited English. Asked which buses go to downtown by 109 Street, and whether the bus is arriving since it’s been late for 5 minutes. I can imagine how a late bus for a route you’ve never used before would make anyone anxious. So I told him “yes that’s the number 2, it will come soon, and we can take it together!”

The bus arrived and we hop on together. He was restlessly looking at the window to check where we are going. I placed the address of his destination on my Google maps app, and showed him the blue moving dot that symbolizes the bus. We were sitting close to the front, so I also point to him the digital screen that was showing the intersection of the upcoming bus stops. I told him, “once we are close to downtown, the screen and the audio annoucement will say.. 121 Street – Jasper Avenue, 116 Street – Jasper Avenue, 112 Street – Jasper Avenue… and then that’s when you pull the stop alert and get off. Then when you get off, you just need to walk 2 blocks that way, and you’ll be in your destination!” I finished my instructions while pointing towards the south.

He shared to me that it was his first day at his job. He shyly told me that his English is “not very good” but he will be starting classed at Norquest college very soon. I said that Norquest is very close to where he was getting off for work, so he can take the same bus and just wait for a few stops further into downtown. I shared that I am an immigrant too, only that I’ve been here for 17 years. He sounded amazed upon hearing that.

As his stop approached, I got him to pull the string for the stop request. As he left the bus, I said good bye and waved at him through the glass, while making sure I press the button again as I was getting off at the next stop. I sent a silent prayer, wishing him a good day at work as I headed out to start mine.

Lady navigating west end construction zone

One morning, I was on the bus heading to work and after a few stops, a woman wearing business clothes came in. There were several vacant seats at the front, but she didn’t sit right away. Clutching her phone tightly, she talked to the driver asking if the bus would be passing by 139 Street and 102 Avenue. He said yes, and continued to drive. She continued standing at the front craning her neck, seemingly wanting to have the same line of sight as the driver.

Only a few stops later, she asked the driver again how close we are getting to her destination. We were still on 87 Avenue, about 15 minutes away. I do know though that she is getting off on a very busy construction zone and might miss where the bus stop is.

I waited for catch her eye, I smiled and said, yes the bus is heading that way. I pointed at the digital sign above her head and said “as you can see, and you will hear, the upcoming bus stops will show on the sign. So you will hear when the next step is 139 Street and 102 Avenue and press the button then.” As we waited along the very congested 142 Street, the bus finally got a chance to turn on 102 Avenue. The bus arrived at the intersections and the got off one of the temporary-looking bus stops.

Honestly, I’m quite relived that smartphones are around. It helps communicating bus routes and travel times better. One can argue that if someone has a phone and data, people can just look at the directions and go where they need to go. But I think that the additional element of human help can provide that extra level of reassurance. Many times, I’ve seen passengers come up to the bus, show their phone to the driver and confirm, and happily enter the bus once they get the okay from the driver. But in a pinch, whether in a random location around the city, a busy transit station, or a bus stop, I enjoy pitching in when needed. It’s a fleeting moment of kindness, lasting a few minutes at most, but can help with those unfamiliar with our transit system get the hang of it.

Love Language Reflections: Happy Wife about ‘Househusband Friday’

August 29, 2024January 1, 2025Posted in Edmonton, lifestyle, Personal, relationships, Self-Care, Social Issues, UncategorizedTagged domestic labour, Edmonton, feminism, marriage, married life, mental health, reflection, relationships, weaponized incompetence, yegwomen1 Comment

By: Giselle General

Lately, my corner of the internet is full of discussions about how couples share responsibilities in the home, how in many cases the division of tasks could get unequal, and passionate opinions on what to do when this is the case. I wanted to add my two bits into this discourse, not to side myself with a specific point of view, but to reflect and assess my situation as someone who is married for coming into five years (wow!) and sharing a home with my now-husband for coming into thirteen years.

In 2022 when my husband started to work for my father-in-law, he would go to work four days a week and then go to school remotely on Fridays. On these days he would be in the home office for most of the day, taking breaks only for lunch. Then he started to do one task which is doing laundry. It’s easy enough to do in between long study sessions since we only have two loads of laundry between us. Last year, around October 2023, he took a break from schooling on Fridays and it became what we now officially call as Househusband Friday.

How does it look like? It starts with us doing our own thing for breakfast and then once I’m ready to leave to the office for work, he would walk me to the bus stop. So we’ll have that small bit of quality time during the walk until the bus picks me up and I wave goodbye looking out the window. Maybe it looks like I’m a child being dropped off the yellow bus to school, but I don’t care. I love it. It’s sweet. It’s very kilig – Filipinos would get it!

Then when he gets home, from 8 AM to 1 PM he would nonstop work on the list of tasks. These included weekly chores like doing laundry and dishes, semi-monthly chores like vacuuming, dusting and grocery shopping, and the as-requested tasks like disposing items to the eco-station, changing the batteries of smoke detectors, deep cleaning the very top shelf of the kitchen cabinets, and more. He would then relax for a couple of hours, and then make dinner.

If there’s one thing we both love – I mean aside from each other – it’s our task lists. So it is not weird, unromantic, or offensive to have a list on our whiteboard of the things to do and even what I would like to have for our dinner. I’m pretty flexible with it actually. After a few months of this routine, it feels so nice to come home to a warm meal and a yummy drink (usually a smoothie) ready. And usually there’s leftovers enough for one or two meals on the weekend.

Then as the weekend comes, it’s my turn. I love to neatly put away our clothes, so I’m in charge of folding and hanging laundry. When the bathroom needs deep cleaning, that’s on me as well. I do prepare any other meals for the weekend, while he finds time to check his budget and pay the shared home bills. If there’s a home tasks we need to do together, we find time for them as well. If the chore is a bit creative, we like to consider it a mini date, like when we made this lawn ornament a few weeks ago.

On the living room of Giselle's home, is a lawn ornament of a donkey hitched on a wagon. It received a fresh coat of paint done both by Giselle and her husband.

The day before the start of the work week, usually Sunday or Monday of a holiday long weekend, is the busiest for me as I meal prep for the week. But it’s not all me. My husband cooks the meal we bring to his father’s place for our regular Sunday dinner, or as we call it, “Spaghetti Sunday” because we mostly make spaghetti and meatballs.

As a couple we also like having titles or official terminology on things we do. We describe ourselves as “team communicate”, we ask for a “feelings check” or start the “intensity check” process when we are stressed, so “househusband Friday” was a very welcome addition. Once a month, we also have a dedicated “plant maintenance day” for when we clean and re-organize our 12 Aerogarden units for our indoor farming set up.

During the week, we strive to cover for each other too. We load, run, and unload the dishwasher with minimal prompting. When I make one of the upcycled outfits and bits of thread and fabric are strewn over the dining table, I do a quick sweep with the walis, a plant-based soft broom imported from the Philippines. He is good at preventing messes from happening in the first place.

Truth to be told, I really appreciate that there’s more awareness and discussion about how couples divide household chores. I feel horrified at the stories I read about how apparently, husbands would deliberately and maliciously mess up a task to make their spouses upset to the point of not asking for help again. I remember being stunned at learning the term weaponized incompetence, but it fits in many cases.

The tricky and nuanced part is determining when to confront, when to educate, when to accommodate, and when to finally terminate the relationship. In online discourse where stories are condensed and context could be incomplete, it can feel excessive to see suggestions of “throw the whole man away.” But there are times when it’s valid. There can be times though when digging deeper through the root of the problem, whether it is trauma, illness, difference in cognitive abilities, lack of education but with willingness to learn, or something else, can help make a process that works for everyone involved.

I think it’s partly why I cringe when some people claim that a to-do list is too childish or offensive. And if a list is a no-go, I could imagine the haters when they find out how I write the grocery list for my husband since he started going alone during Househusband Fridays. Not only is it handwritten (gasp!), I make a new one every time instead of a standard list (gasp again!), the items are arranged based on type of item and also listed sequentially based on the layout of the store. Personally it is the ultimate example of setting someone up for success and making the tasks as quick and efficient as possible.

Giselle is holding a handwritted grocery list for a shopping trip at Costco. The items are arranged by section in order from the left to the right side of the store.

In my humble opinion, chores are most of the time not fun. Anything and everything that can be done to make it as quick, efficient, and enjoyable for the couple as they do them individually and together, is a win. I heard the argument that money is the main reason for divorce. I’d say a second close one is conflict with domestic duties as they are part of everyday life. It these issues are unresolved, it can affect someone multiple times a day, and can really wear people down over time.

Appreciation goes a long way too. Maybe it seems childish, but the occasional compliment for completing chores or admiring the outcome can help remind our spouses that the we see the effort they do. I think the most common phrase we say in my home is “thank you, baby!”

Chores and the domestics are an integral part of one’s health and keeping the relationship strong and sustainable. If there’s one thing I wish all couples have, is to reach a state of domestic delight. That the mundane aspects of maintaining their home is a source of joy, security, confidence and bonding.

During one of the househusband Fridays this summer, I had the day off. He still went through most of the tasks on the list, but I took over some of the seasonal tasks I added earlier this week. He did the weekly laundry and dishes and the vacuuming for the month. I mowed the grass, reorganized our little backyard patio, from the furniture, the barbeque and the pile of bags of refundable bottles. Afterwards he started to install a second-hand printer we got, until it got so frustrating that he smashed it just like in Office Space. He wanted that printer out of the house ASAP so we went to the eco-station to dump it off.

As we waited for our turn to enter the eco-station gate he asked, “Does this count as a date?”

Giggling I said, “Of course!”

We continued to hold hands, with his other hand on the wheel, while the car idled along a queue of cars with people doing the same mundane task of disposing their trash.